Updated: Dec 23, 2020
Sometimes I have to forgive myself. This is not something that comes easily for me. Negative self talk has been a pattern that has caused a lot of hurt in my life. As I sat with these emotions of guilt, shame, and fear. My anxiety began to kick in. My heart raced. My chest tightened, my body tensed as the negative energy burned inside of me. My breath shortened and quickened. More negative thoughts began recycling through my mind. I took notice but sat with myself. I let these emotions flow through. I did several rounds of tapping to assist me in changing the negative thoughts and my attachment to them. I remembered some earlier activities I had learned in my coaching program at SWIHA, a forgiveness acronym. I decided to do this exercise but customize it to forgiving myself, as the particular model is constructed for forgiving another person. There are no others involved in my need to give and receive forgiveness, there’s just me and my spirit.
“In order to heal we must first forgive, and sometimes the person we are forgiving is ourselves.” Mila Bron
F- Feel the feelings
O- Observe with a pause
G- Give up attachments
I- i statements developed around my feeling and what I need in order to reconcile this within myself
V- Visualize healthy boundaries for myself
E- Energetic cords of shame, guilt, and fear are released
I read through my acronym applying each suggestion to my situation. I apologized to myself, I created boundaries for myself, I wrote out i statements admitting to my wrong doing and what I would need in return to forgive myself. After I finished, I felt much more love and compassion for who I am. I feel capable of dusting myself off and moving forward rather than spiraling into a pit of self pity and worthlessness. I believe that mistakes happen for each of us to learn from them, to gain wisdom through the experience. Mistakes happen, big ones and small ones, each come with an opportunity for growth. I understand that I am human and I am still learning. At times, I fall back into old ways of being and I hurt myself. But in treating myself with compassion and forgiveness, being sympathetic and holding accountability with myself in the same way I would someone else who made a mistake, I get to elevate and move forward feeling like I am enough. It’s a new day and a new opportunity. I don’t have to keep hurting myself. I get to forgive myself and follow my guidelines and morals to NOT do it again. I also get to teach others how to do the same.
How can you forgive yourself, how often do you hold a grudge against yourself? Are you still beating yourself up for something from your past? Are you kicking yourself for making a mistake? What ways can you incorporate more self forgiveness into your life?